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|Posted on April 16, 2019 at 8:11 AM||comments (0)|
Have you ever thought about how far you have come? I have noticed when people look back at their lives they focus on their failures, their insecurities and worries and behaviour patterns that they are trying to break. Or they focus on the times they perceive they messed up,
What if you could see yourself in a more positive light? How empowering would it be if you could change that inner critical voice to something more helpful and supportive!..
When I ask people to tell me three things they like about themselves, I always get a long pause. Most will struggle to find their qualities, they may say, "I've never really thought about it, but I'm kind to people I guess, can't think of anything else". It takes a long time for them to be able to pick 3 great qualities they have that they appreciate. Some of this may be down to our inbuilt belief we shouldn't "big"ourselves up, but really.. if you don't do it ..who will???
Even more interesting is when I ask people to ask close friends and loved ones what are the 3 things they appreciate about them. They are often amazed by the replies. "I had no idea they thought I was a wise person, I always feel like I'm a little kid and don't know what to say", or "I've never seen myself as strong, because i always feel so weak." The thing is, we never see ourselves the way others see us. Why is that? Because friends and loved ones are noticing and looking only for the good in us, and can see and admire and appreciate our qualities. They don't see our failures, they see where we tried. They don't see our weakness they see our persistence.
Of course there are exceptions and some people are surrounded by overly critical people in their lives which makes them more critical of themselves. But the funny thing is that what overly critical people fear the most is being judged by others! Yet they judge everyone else. Really doesn't make much sense does it. If you recognise that you often unfairly judge people, start to notice when you are doing it and start to make some changes there. After all, we are all different and we are all just doing things the best way we can!
So what do we do when we look at ourselves and we have an internal critic living in our minds? We look at where we failed, messed up. We focus on our weaknesses and worries. We focus on how we "should "be according to society sometimes too! ! Worst of all we listen constantly to our internal critic , that negative voice that tells you , you can't do certain things, the internal critic that reinforces and backs up this negative view of who we are.
So try an experiment. Think of 3 qualities you have that you could begin to appreciate. Then if you like, ask close friends and family to tell you the 3 qualities they appreciate in you. Start to build a more positive view of yourself. Start to see yourself as you truly are. Rather than someone who "messed" up but someone who rose to the challenge, that is prepared to Try, that is not a victim but a survivor. Start to see yourself how others that really appreciate you see you. See the good in yourself. Be kinder in your self talk! Be kinder in your judgement of others. For every negative you tell yourself you are, there is an opposite positive. Begin to find the positive....you may be surprised at how it changes things for you...